Filed under: Guest Writer, The Art of Writing | Tags: literary, writing as therapy
by Zoe Karakikla-Mitsakou
Zoe is a friend and fellow writer, and I dig her vibe a lot. This is her piece about the writing process; with aspects that are therapeutic as well as haunting. – ML
Writing has always been a cathartic process for me. I always loved to write, but could never find the motivation to reach for the pen or keyboard unless I had reached “the danger zone”. In the pits of despair, right before (or sometimes shortly after) a small breakdown or personal tragedy I would lock myself in my office and write.
Fiction or nonfiction, my writing was like an extension of the psychotherapist’s couch. What better way to let some of the darkness out than to turn despair and agony into creativity? Sublimation, the channeling of our most primal impulses, our darkest corners into something positive and socially acceptable is one of the most common defense mechanisms in our arsenal. Punching someone that really deserves it in real life isn’t socially acceptable? Perhaps a story about a girl who murders her flat mate would be a more productive way to unleash some of the underlying rage. It sounds logical enough.
Imagine my dismay when a few months ago, I found myself for the first time in a good few years feeling…happy. I was in a satisfying relationship, my health was stable, my friends and family were well, and work was going ok. I spent a month staring at the keyboard, too afraid to type. I had bumped into one of the, many, myths associated with the ‘creative professions’. To be creative you need to be dark. To be dark you need a degree of personal dysfunction, of decadence, of addiction. It’s all very mystical, very esoteric and simply untrue. Tragedy, personal instability, dysfunction are not necessary elements of creativity. All myths, however, have an element of truth. The artistic temperament has long been linked to mental disorders, like manic depression. Many artists have led almost haunted lives. Equally as many sculptors, musicians and writers have led lives untouched by horrors and madness.
We are inherently creative beings. Is being a writer a creative profession? Most of the time, it is. More than anything else, writing is a job. We spend endless hours practicing, focusing our creativity, sharpening the tools and skills we need to write. We are dedicated, patient, and perhaps a little ambitious. We practice every single day and are comfortable with the sometimes-chthonic nature of our imagination.
Whatever we do with our creative urges, however dark our characters may be, when a day’s work is done we return to the world and are sometimes functional and sometimes happy, like everyone else. The monsters we create will lie in wait until the next time we reach for the pen or keyboard and summon them into our lives.
*****
About Zoe: Zoe Karakikla-Mitsakou has only recently started writing. Her fiction and nonfiction pieces have been published by various magazines and anthologies. In her free time she enjoys thinking of new ways to destroy computers using just coffee.
Hey folks, we’ve gotten some amazing entries to the contest this year – amazing in that it hurts my brain to read them because the spelling is so terrible.
Well done!
Do not worry if you have not entered yet – the contest deadline is SUNDAY, JUNE 2, 2012, so there’s still plenty of time to get your entry in. 
The rules are short and easy, submitting an entry is as easy as sending an e-mail.
And… you could win lovely prizes! Not the least of which is this incredible t-shirt to those who can write so badly it impresses even us:
Are you brave enough?
Are you bold enough?
Are you man (or woman) enough?
Prove it.
But if you are a circus clown, go away. And take the parrots with you. I don’t need to explain my phobias to you… just go. GO!!!
Rules and details are HERE.
And remember… we still love you, even if you don’t win. Unless you are a clown. Or a parrot.
Just sayin’.
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Filed under: Guest Writer, Life Observations, The Art of Writing, The Business of Writing | Tags: Block, Writer
By Daniel Kaye
Sometimes the words just don’t come at all. Guest writer, Daniel Kaye tackles the subject. – ML
Picture yourself driving through the countryside, it’s a beautiful day. The birds are singing and the wild flowers are blossoming, each road you take, leads perfectly on to the next. You are so carried away with the smooth journey and your surroundings that you did not notice some time ago that you must have taken a wrong turn because now you no longer recognize your surroundings. You decide to pull in at the next farmer’s gate to do a U-turn to retrace your steps in the hope of finding a familiar landmark. What happens next is where your real problems start, the car in which you travel will no longer move, it is stuck firmly in the mud. You have all the tools you need to get yourself out of the situation; you have four wheels, an accelerator and fuel. Yet no matter what you do, you’re stuck. In the same way writers block occurs, you’re happily going along with your story when you grind to a halt. Again, you have all the tools you need, a pen and pad or a keyboard and screen but nothing happens, just a cursor flashing in the top left corner. It is often like a monitor in an intensive care unit waiting for either life to burst back into your story or death to slowly come and end the piece you’ve been happily working on.
What is the answer? There are many suggestions, one is reading, the more you read the better. Read everything you can get your hands on, not just your chosen genre but everything within reach, magazine articles, love stories, horror and crime. In today’s frantic world, we often hear the remark “I’m too busy to read, I can never find the time.” There are plenty of opportunities to pick up a book or an article that may inspire you. I try to read everywhere, including the toilet, but my favorite place is the doctor’s waiting rooms. I hate visiting the doctor and waiting rooms I despise, looking round at individuals all sick and feeling sorry for themselves. I always bring a book and while reading I create a shield around me where I do not have to sympathize with the other patients. Unfortunately, the last time I visited the doctor I entered the waiting room and my worst fears happened, I knew somebody sitting there with an empty seat next to them. I had to go and talk to them; I could feel the book in my pocket screaming at me, “Open me! Read me!” Oh friend how I wish I had listened to you, for as I didn’t know this person well, the conversation soon dried up and guess what, it was the longest wait for the doctor ever.
When I was sixteen I went to work for London Underground, while working there I remember one of the best bits of advice I received, it was from a man named Freddy Hut. He was sixty-four and fast approaching retirement. Freddy had quite interesting stories to tell about his past, the most famous, or infamous, of them was he used to do boxing for the Kray brothers back in the early sixties. He was a proper old east London character and daily would tell everyone he met in his rough gravelly voice, “You’ve got two ears and one mouth, use them in that order.” I think what this translated to was ‘Always listen twice as much as you speak’ this I think is great advice for a writer. Everywhere you go gives you an opportunity, whether it is a small gathering of people, a wedding reception or presentation in a grand banqueting hall to study people. Listen to the people talking around you and the way they act. This can give you great inspiration for developing characters and dialogue, each face tells its own story. Pause for a moment every time you are in a crowd look and listen you never know what may inspire you, I feel there is only one exception to this rule, doctor’s waiting rooms.
Sometimes when your car is stuck in the mud, you have to think out of the box to get free. Many people have suggested putting bits of cardboard or an old blanket under your wheels to enable them to get grip. You may get your feet and hands muddy doing this but eventually you will become unstuck.
*****
About Daniel Kaye: Daniel Kaye is a published author of short stories, he works and lives in Co. Cork Ireland. After finishing his first novel I, Vladimir, he is now busy with the second in the series, Anonymous Jack. You will often find Daniel on twitter @DanielKaye_ tweeting about all things writing.
OK. I hear you. No, I really do. You are saying, “This is such a super-awesome contest, but I just wish the prizes were better.”
OK, done. The first, second, and third place winners will get an Official, Approved by Lifein64squarefeet.com (and designed by yours truly) “I READ BANNED BOOKS” t-shirt. Wow, huh? HUH?!
This shirt lists some of the authors who have the notoriety of having their work banned at some point. Among the names listed are: Ray Bradbury, Edgar Rice Burroughs, William Faulkner, James Joyce, Ernest Hemingway, Stephen King, George Orwell, Ann Rice, Bill Shakespeare, John Steinbeck, Mark Twain, Kurt Vonnegut, Walt Witman and others.
Show the world you support free speech and oppose STUPID.
The shirt can be yours for free if you place in the contest, or you can order yours from the LIFE64 SHOP, here.
But you shouldn’t have to PAY to wear a shirt dripping in awesome – you should write 100 or less messed up words, enter it in the contest and be so amazing, you win. For the rules, CLICK HERE. By the way, all shirts will be adult medium, large, or X-large. So diet or start eating now, as appropriate to have it fit.
Here is a larger image so you can bask in its magnificence more completely:
Well? I’m waiting. Enter the contest by submitting to graterighter@hotmail.com.
Filed under: Guest Writer, Life Observations | Tags: Age, obligations, old, Over the hill, Turning 50
by Mary Bradford
Mary Bradford is my guest, a fellow writer and a friend of mine. She penned this amusing piece and I hope you enjoy it as much as I did. – ML
It is the coming. It is the going. It is the celebrations. It is the condolences. It is the noise. It is the silence. It is my life.
I turn fifty, this year, the month, April. I have been both blessed and broken-hearted. I have endured much and been endured by many. This is a magic age. It is the age when I finally conceded to life and accept that I am a grown up.
But a grown up with a difference. I am now free to be me. I can come and go, celebrate and commiserate, make noise or remain silent. I have a wisdom that others this age ignore or older slide by.
What my Creator has asked of me, I have answered. Now I ask of Him to allow me enjoy what I have brought to this world through my family. I have acceptance. I have trust in Him. My children reared are now free to follow their chosen paths; it shall be their journeys not mine.
I am feeling mixed emotions with each passing day. No longer running to the beat of others I start my mornings my way. What a joke! Family phones and I drop all to taxi them to their destinations. My wishes pushed aside until I can deal with them later in the day. Is it part of being Irish, an Irish Catholic that you do not say no to parents? Honor thy father and thy mother.
My weekends are filled with my children returning with washing and yet more taxi requests to friend’s houses. Why do I feel guilty if I try to pawn them off with a takeaway dinner instead of a home cooked hearty meal? Is it part of being Irish, an Irish mother? Do they not know the fourth commandment like I do? Is that my fault if they don’t?
So am I any closer to being the free person I expected to be when hitting fifty? Questions by the gallon, yet the answers would only fill a postcard. Being fifty means I have crossed the threshold to senior citizen country, well so the life insurance ads on TV shout out. Plus the wonderful discounts on golden age holidays, over fifties of course. But my weekdays are filled with parents and siblings and my weekends are filled with my children so where is the free time I dreamt of.
Yet turning fifty is a blessing. My childhood was happy. My twenties were marriage and giving birth to four healthy children. My thirties were rearing my family and supporting my husband. My forties were illness and my open heart surgery. My fifties I pray will be as good. I am the mistress of my own destiny. It shall be whatever I want it to be with Oscar my Guardian Angel watching over me.
Bring it on and let me take the rough with the smooth, see you when I’m sixty, God willing.
*****
About Mary Bradford: I have been writing for a number of years now and have enjoyed publishing success. Any spare time is spent either crocheting/writing/ reading/an odd vodka or two and helping out, but not necessarily in that order! All my children have left home so I am waiting patiently to hear the patter of my future grandchildren’s feet. You can find out more at www.marytbradford-author.blogspot.com and on Twitter/Facebook.
Filed under: Hobbies, Life Observations, The Art of Writing, The Business of Writing | Tags: application, mac, PC, typewriter, vintage
I am enamored with old, manual typewriters and the thought of using them. The sound of the keybar smacking the paper through the ink ribbon and the ding, carriage return are sounds that inspire me. When you think about all the moving parts involved in a manual typewriter, it’s really quite a marvelous, complicated machine. Unfortunately, the simple reality of it is that I hate actually using one. The editing functionality of computer word processors has made me spoiled and lazy. I’d much rather go into the existing document I had written and edit it than retype the whole thing again. Technology wins and for the right reasons, but I can still simulate the aesthetics of using a typewriter without sacrificing my beloved spell-checker and ability to backspace over a typo without having to use white-out.
Take a look at my pseudo-typewriter:
See that? The picture is not as clear as I would like, but it’s my touch-screen tablet computer with a wireless Bluetooth keyboard connected. It’s running miTypewriter software and the cool part is that it behaves like a typewriter. The sounds of the keys and the the appearance on-screen is as if you are typing on a page in a vintage typewriter. The keys onscreen depress when I hit a corresponding physical key, the typebars raise and mark the character on the simulated page and the carriage moves as I type. As a bonus, it has a spelling checker and can be saved to TXT file to edit later in Microsoft Word. Even though it feels like a simulated experience because, well, it is; I find it satisfying but a little sad. A ghost of the authentic and outdated original.
I always liked this story and typography-art (author/artist unknown) and it sums up the empty feeling very well for me:
If you are still reading this, I have to assume you also have a thing for old typewriters. If you would like to have your modern computer emulate an old typewriter, (Reverse steam punk?) I compiled a list of programs that do just that.
Mock-typewriter applications you might want to try:
Visual Typewriter (Windows) – A decent virtual typewriter program. Looks nice and does the job. Free trial.
YWriter5 (Windows) – has a great typewriter sound feature that can be enabled and is a pretty decent Writing program in it’s own right. It’s also free.
Qwertick (Windows) – Runs in the background and enables typewriter sounds no matter what program you are in. I use it a lot and haven’t had any problems with it. Free.
Typewriter Keyboard (Mac) – Same thing as Qwertick for Macs. Free.
Typewriter: Minimal Text Editor (Java) – A minimalist text editor that does not allow you to backspace. All you can do is type in one direction. You can’t delete, you can’t copy, you can’t paste. Just like a typewriter. The idea is that if you can’t do these things, you will put more attention into what you are writing. The program does let you save and print. – Free.
miTypewriter (iPad, iPhone, iTouch) – is the fully animated vintage typewriter experience. You can use the onscreen keyboard or attach a Bluetooth keyboard.
Finally, if you don’t want to roll back the present but would dig reading some stories about the heyday of the manual typewriter, take a look at Ode to Manual Typewriters on ZDNet. I loved the great typewriter stories and experiences. Maybe this is the best way to appreciate these incredible machines.
© 2012, Mitch Lavender
Filed under: Health, Life Observations | Tags: diet, forks over knives, gout
My big toe hurts. Try as I might, the only complaint of discomfort I can think of that is sounds more frivolous is, My God! I have a paper cut. Still, my big toe hurts a lot and has me limping around. After a week without getting better, I took to using a cane. Finally, I went to the doctor, thinking it was a sprain but I was wrong. When the blood tests were completed, I was diagnosed with gout.
Gout, or Podagra (when it involves the big toe) is characterized by a red, tender, hot swollen joint and commonly manifests at the base of the big toe. It is caused by elevated levels of uric acid in the blood which causes crystalized deposits on joints, tendons and such.
So what causes high uric acid in the blood? There are a number of reasons but really, only one applied to me – diet. Above-moderate consumption of alcohol, fructose-sweetened drinks and meat can cause gout. A lifetime of living like a typical American has caught up to me.
I thought gout was something that would only affect a seriously overweight person, and I was wrong again. While I tipped the doctor’s scale at 205 lbs., that isn’t too much for someone 6’ 3”. Still, it is more than I have ever weighed before and I do have this… belly. I noticed that when I’m lying on my back and turn onto my side, my stomach follows about a second later. It wasn’t a warm fuzzy feeling and it is a sign that, while I am not obese, I’ve got a lot of body fat that I don’t want.
So, what does one do when one has been diagnosed with gout in one’s foot and one’s stomach joins the rest of the torso a second later when one’s body is moved quickly? How do you fix it?
- Ignore it. That would be my common response, but it hurts! Wah! Left untreated, it would spread to other joints and tissue and so, pain being what pain is, it won’t be ignored.
- The common, American solution for any health problem – there’s a pill for that. I hate taking a lot of medication because it inevitably makes me feel bad in some way. In a case like this, it would mean taking medication every day, probably for the rest of my life.
- There is another choice: Make changes to my diet and eat better.
Never in my life have I had to diet. I’ve always had a metabolism where I never got overweight and much of my young life, I was really skinny. Now, in mid-40’s and limping around with a gouty toe and a bulging belly, the lesser of the two evils is that I need to make changes to my diet. It wouldn’t hurt to get some exercise too, but let’s not go overboard.
After watching Forks over Knives, a documentary about the benefits of a whole-food diet, Lynn and I were motivated to make some changes in our eating habits and adopt a whole-foods diet or something resembling it, eating less processed food, dairy and meat. We’ve been at it for two weeks and that is nothing in the scheme of diets, but overall, we’ve done really well.
Here are our guidelines:
- Eat more nuts and whole grain breads when possible.
- Eat lots of fresh fruit and vegetables when you can. Avoid pastries and sweets and have a granola bar instead.
- Eat lots of beans (we like black beans). They are a great source of plant protein, fiber, phytochemicals, and other nutrients.
- Don’t eat convenience and processed foods.
- Stick to sugar-free drinks such as water, green tea (iced or hot), fresh fruit juice, and soy milk.
- No alcohol except an occasional glass of wine.
- Avoid fish, chicken and red meat.
- Avoid dairy – milk and cheese.
· We bought the Forks over Knives cookbook and are having fun trying the different, healthy recipes. Cooking together is something we really enjoy.
Here are our exceptions:
- All bets are off if we are at the ballpark. What’s the point of going to a baseball game if you can’t have a hotdog and beer?
- 2 meals a week, we can have meat. Try not to make it something fried.
- 2 meals a week, we can have cheese.
- 4 times a week, we can have a soda or other non-healthy drink.
- 1 night a week, we can break the 1 glass of wine rule.
The biggest problem I have found is that it’s not easy to eat out and eat healthy, not in Texas, anyway. I have to be selective about where I go for lunch. But that’s a small thing and just requires changing my habits. Straight up, I don’t miss McDonald’s or Taco Bell.
We’ll see how it goes, but so far, I do feel better and the gout has not returned. Granola bars aren’t bad.
© 2012, Mitch Lavender
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You can’t truly appreciate the person you were meant to love until you’ve loved the wrong people first.
I don’t know if that is true for everyone but it is definitely true for me. I’ve had the girlfriend who outgrew me and I lamented the loss. I’ve had the psycho girlfriend and hated it. I’ve had the stripper girlfriend and resented it. I’ve slept with a friend’s girlfriend and hated myself for it. In different ways, I loved all of these women and in different ways, my heart was broken. Then I met Lynn.
I’ve been married to Lynn for 23 years now and while my passion might have waned, as age will do to a man; I love her; nay, I adore her now more than ever. As for passion, even now, I get lost, tracing over the contours of her body. I know her hotspots and she knows mine. It’s not a crazy, lustful passion but more a reveling, invigorating trek down an accustomed, favorite woodland path.
I love that.
It’s a fine line though; being familiar and comfortable with a person breeds a false sense of security that leads to taking advantage. This is the place where I can get confused and push boundaries, forgetting just how priceless and irreplaceable this person is. Sometimes this was me and sometimes it was her, but every time, it made us both absolutely miserable.
When you have someone special, make them feel special. It’s that all day, knowing you will fail some of the time but get it right some of the time. If you are with the right person, it will be appreciated and reciprocated.
The first six months of our marriage was Lynn and I, figuring out the ground rules. We hurt each other and got things wrong over and over. Then we talked and agreed on two very true things:
1. If you are not happy about something, fix it yourself. Don’t expect the other person to fix it or blame them for it. Cap not on the toothpaste? Put it on and forget about it.
2. Don’t be a jerk. That second one was a biggie for me, because when I found myself shooting my mouth off about something, I would ask, Am I being a jerk? And when I was, and I often was, I backed down to give it some thought. I would love to say that it kept me from being a jerk, but more often, it just made me realize that I had been (past-tense) a jerk, and I had apologies to make.
Later, there was a third thing we agreed on:
3. Forgive the shortcomings and don’t hang on to them. Talk about the things that are really bothering you and listen. Then, let go. Be respectful.
That was a harder one to keep for both Lynn and I, but ultimately it had to happen or you never move on. If you hang on to the past mistakes, bringing them up again and again, you are doomed. Let it go. Let it go. Do not keep score. You both lose.
Okay, one more and I will stop:
4. Compromise. Hopefully, you have things in common but there will be times where you want to do something she doesn’t or vice versa. Find middle ground where you can and give in when you can’t. I’m not saying you have to take her dress shopping every weekend, holding her purse while she tries on clothes, but once in a while, go. Do it. Smile.
Did I say I would stop? Just one more:
5. Hug and kiss. Touch each other. In the morning, after the alarm has gone off and you’ve smacked the snooze, cuddle up for a few minutes or spoon. As you pass her in the kitchen, reach out and stroke your hand across her shoulders. When you kiss her, a peck is fine but sometimes, you need to mean it; a real kiss. Hold her hand as you walk together down the street. Not doing these simple things has probably been the demise of many, many marriages.
Alright – one more and this is the end of the list for real:
6. Don’t say divorce unless you mean it. Period. Divorce is not an empty threat to us. Once said, it cannot be taken back and forgiven. It is the line once crossed, you cannot come back. It is the destroyer. And because Lynn and I both view it this way, we have never, ever threatened with this word during an argument.
So. That’s worked for Lynn and me for 23 
years. Yes, we fight and sometimes have said hurtful things to each other, but eventually, we remember 2 and 3, stop being jerks and forgive each other. Lynn likes to say that I am her lobster. When she first said this, I thought she was referring to me as being like a fancy, quality meal, but she explained that lobsters take one mate for life. I later learned that this is a popular myth and lobsters are not monogamous, but the wonderful sentiment of Lynn’s words still touch my heart.
I don’t know if this can work for you or not. Frankly, some people are just incapable of realizing when they are being a jerk and that is a tough handicap for them and everyone who knows them, but I think everyone deserves to be loved and has love to give, and with the right person, love just happens. From there, you figure it out or you don’t.
© 2012, Mitch Lavender
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Filed under: Book Review, Publications, Reading, The Infection Anthology | Tags: cure, dystopia, fascism, infection, rebellion, zombie
I’ve always enjoyed Farrington’s writing back when we were in a writer’s group together. He is a top-notch writer with interesting things to say, so I was excited to see the announcement that Cured by Dave Farrington has released on Smashwords. I presume it will make it to Amazon and other places shortly.
Cured tells the story of George’s search to discover the fate of his family, his struggle to come to terms with his past mistakes and his efforts to create a new order out of the carnage of the past. It takes the ‘zombie’ novel into new territory, beyond a critique of the present and towards a vision of the future.
A sample of the first 20% of the 110k word book is available for free, and and the full version is $3.99. Check out Cured here: https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/144374#longdescr
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Filed under: The Art of Writing
Last year I did the GRATE RIGHTER, BAD SPELER Contest as a sort of joke. It was a joke on me. I was surprised to get such great participation when I expected so little, but it was also a lot of fun.
Now, we are back with the
BIGGEREST
MORE BETTER
Why would I bother to enter this contest?
- You are missing that chromosome everyone else possesses and writing is a passion in your life.
- You’ve got a story to tell and if you don’t get it out, your head might explode – even if it was done with spell-check turned off.
- You’ve got a sense of humor.
What do I do?
Write a great story, horribly spelled – you know you can do it. If you’re like me, you do it all the time. And there are lots of lovely prizes!
Goal of the contest
Write a complete story in 100 words or less (not including the title), spelled horribly. The worse the spelling, the better, but it has to readable! The story must be complete and contain the five important elements of a short story: character(s), setting, plot, conflict, and theme.
The winners will be the best stories, plagued by crazy-bad misspellings.
Rules
1. Story must be complete and less than 100 words (not including the title). Stories over 100 words are automatically disqualified.
2. Story must NOT contain numbers for words, i.e.; ‘”gr8” for “great” or “4” for the word “for” and so on. Use words. Very, very, messed up words.
3. While the story should be rife with misspellings, the judges have to be able to understand it. If it is so badly spelled that it is deemed unintelligible, it will be disqualified.
4. All submissions must include a full mailing address (if you want the prize you might you win).
5. Only one submission per household, please.
6. By entering, you agree and allow your shamefully misspelled submission to be published on www.lifein64squarefeet.com. You keep the rights to it. I insist.
7. Have fun with it!
SEND SUBMISSIONS TO: graterighter@hotmail.com
Prizes
1st Place: A new copy of the Writer’s Digest Weekly Planner, spiral-bound hardcover with interior pockets and elastic closure, 256 pages, valued at $14.99.
and
A new copy of the You Can Write A Novel Kit, valued at $22.99.
and
A new copy of my anthology, Death Zone and Other Stories by Mitch Lavender, paperback, valued at absolutely priceless (by me).
2nd Place: A copy of Strunk and White’s The Elements of Style (fourth edition, paperback) valued $7.95. This is the authoritative, classic writing style reference. Likely, you need this book. This is my copy from before I bought the hard-cover and e-book versions. In other words, it’s gently, seldom used and has only been thrown against the wall a few times.
and
A new copy of my anthology, Death Zone and Other Stories by Mitch Lavender, paperback, valued at absolutely priceless (by me).
3rd Place: We acknowledge you and your story. If that was on your bucket list, check it off.
and
A new copy of my anthology, Death Zone and Other Stories by Mitch Lavender, paperback, valued at absolutely priceless (by me).
I might throw-in some other items for the winners at my discretion. They will be completely random and likely lacking in monetary value.
Contest closes at 12 AM CST on Sunday, June 2, 2012 so hurry up! Turn your spelling checker off now and write! Right liyk teh winde!
Contest Disclaimer (legal crap)
No purchase necessary. One entry per person. Incomplete entries will be disqualified. Entries arriving after the contest ending date will be disqualified. Entries that do not include a mailing address will be disqualified. Contest entrants must be residents of the USA, Canada, England, Australia, Ireland or France.
Mitch Lavender is not responsible for lost, misdirected, or delayed entries. Entries received by telephone, fax, courier, or personal delivery will not be accepted. Personal information submitted will NOT be sold or made available to anyone outside of Life in Sixty-Four Square Feet staff. Prizes are not redeemable in cash and must be accepted as awarded. Decisions of the contest judge(s) are final – no substitutions will be available.
SEND SUBMISSIONS TO: graterighter@hotmail.com
Don’t forget to include your mailing address to receive your valuable prizes, and I wish all participants the very best.
With baseball season coming up, I’ve had a taste for some baseball-themed reading. On the bargain shelves at Barnes and Noble, I came across Blockade Billy by Stephen King (Simon and Schuster). Published in 2010, this small hardcover book went mostly unnoticed, being outside the usual genres King writes in. Still, I love Stephen King’s writing, I love baseball and the book was marked down from $14.99 to less than $5. Sold.
The story is placed in the 1950’s. After the fictional New Jersey Titans unexpectedly lose their two catchers just before opening day, Billy Blakely is called up from their farm team to fill in until a seasoned pro can take over the catching position. But Billy puts in a great month, making epic outs during home plate collisions and earning the nickname Blockade Billy. The team’s ace pitcher thinks Billy is his good luck charm and a bond forms between them.
Billy seems to be a simpleton who has a knack for playing ball. He talks to himself in the third person, repeats what is said to him out loud and players get unexplained injuries when charging home plate against him. Eventually, these characteristics culminate and the situation boils over with a trademark Stephen King twist at the end that I found very satisfying.
The baseball jargon might throw some readers a bit, but fans will revel in it. I think most will be able to figure out the terminology without too much trouble.
The second short story in the book is Morality. A young married couple is given the moral challenge of going through with a minor wicked deed for $200k by an elderly Priest. It was reminiscent of the 1993 movie, Indecent Proposal. You remember the scenes of Demi Moore rolling around in the bed with all the money? That one. It’s a good story in and of itself, mostly in the way King expertly unfolds the plot and shows how a terrible secret can tear apart a marriage.
Blockade Billy is 80 pages long, and the “bonus story,” Morality is 50 pages. Really, this is just two short stories and I read both in less than two hours. King is such an expert storyteller, I enjoy his short stories because it’s easier to analyze his prose and process – how he builds suspense and fulfills his commitments to the reader. Still, I would have loved there to have been more. Well worth the $5.
© 2012, Mitch Lavender
Filed under: Computers and Internet, Social networking, The Art of Writing, The Business of Writing | Tags: 6S, Six Sentences
Disconnected.
There is something bad that happens when I’m working on a novel - I don’t put much of my work out to be read at various sites on the Internet, partly because I don’t have enough time to write as is and partly because I am writing a novel where small excerpts are not easily digestible for most readers. You can’t expect a reader to enjoy 2000 words extracted from the whole; out of context and standing alone with none of the carefully erected story to support it. It’s just not the way long form fiction works.
So, if all I am writing is a novel and I can’t put pieces of my novel out to be read in a way that does the reader or my work justice, how do I stay connected? And for me, staying connected is a must. Maybe some folks can unplug and go off-grid for a couple of months but not me. Threadbare though it may be, I still need to put a presence on Facebook, my blog and somewhere… I need to just put up some of my art, my writing.
But let me be clear about this – I put my writing out in front of people regularly to get input and I do not mean praise. I want to know if it resonated with them or left them flat. I want to know when something I wrote really connected with a reader or when they just read it to be nice. Praise is good, too, but only when something is really enjoyed. This kind of real feedback grounds me. And I should add that reading other writer’s work often inspires me or raises my self-awareness of what elements, prose or tact do or don’t engage me.
I have found a good outlet in the 6S Social Network. It’s simple. Just write six sentences. Say anything you like. Post it for others to read and comment, if they so choose.
This is an interesting prompt because you want to create 
a complete thought, premise, or even a story, within the confines of just six sentences. The community is active and nurturing, a diverse collection of mature writers who get it.
No, the feedback I get (or offer) on 6S is not a deep analysis of the work, nor is it line edit, but it does share how the piece resonates and sometimes inspires thought-sharing. This makes it an excellent forum to explore different wordplay techniques and prose. A site like this is only as good as the people on it, and most of the people are pretty cool. They really are.
Take a look at the 6S Social Network and see if it’s your kind of thing.
What can YOU say in six sentences? The 6S Social Network.
To see the best of 6S, read Six Sentences.
I was 12 years old when I first opened the hard-shell case on my family’s manual Royal typewriter and played around with it. I could tell this was something special and inevitable, almost primal.
A typewriter is the icon that conveys dedicated literary life so much more clearly than say, a computer keyboard. Outmoded and antiquated to be sure, the typewriter still epitomizes writing today.
The typewriter is romantic.
Here are some of my favorite images of typewriters I have collected from around Teh Internets. Many of the images convey a simpler time or just a time where we were more tactile and connected to the interface we used to record our thoughts and yes, perhaps a bit more naïve.
The old Royal typewriter. Something about that pale blue color just does it for me.
The selling point of the Underwood typewriter was, “Visible Writing,” or the ability to see what you had typed on the line without having to scroll up. Many early typewriters did not have that functionality.
Sexy golden gloves, typing away while the boss admires the woman’s skills. Clickity-clickity-clickity-clack, baby! “Even the underscore is automatic!”
Perhaps a little overdressed, this young lady demonstrates the two-finger typing method. I dig the hat.
Typing barefoot? How risqué can you get? Apparently not very, in the 1950’s. No idea who this person is, but I dig the pose.
Addendum: This is Alice Denham (1933-2000), author, adjunct professor of English at the City University of New York, and model, born in Jacksonville, Fla., and graduate of the University of North Carolina (B.A., 1949) and the University of Rochester (M.A., 1950). Denham has published numerous novels, articles, television and movie adaptations, and short stories, among them “The Deal,” which was filmed in 1988. She was also a Playboy model and Alice Denham has distinction of being the only woman to have published an article in the same issue of “Playboy” that she posed in.
Big, freakin’ typewriter! I guess that is Miss Stenographer, 1957, attempting to ascend to the QWERTY line. How fortunate she is to have this man pointing for her. I dig his socks, though I’m not entirely sure he is wearing socks. Sexy.
No gold gloves or fancy-shmancy ads. This is the real deal, to me anyway. This is Hemingway’s writing studio in Key West, Florida.
Yeah. The creepy bug typewriter from the Naked Lunch movie. I don’t know why.
“Yes, I could give that society money to help feed and educate a child in some third world armpit of a country, but really. Is it a quality life? I think not.”
And with that statement and a wave of her gloved hand, the thought was dismissed and she reached for her wine glass. Let’s call her Jane. Everyone at the table laughed or at least smiled. I detested them all for being so spineless but I said nothing, so I’m no better.
Down deep, I consider if maybe Jane is more honest about it than I am. I mean, I hate it when one of those commercials with Sara Mclaughlin comes on TV, showing animals that have been victimized by cruelty. The faces of puppies, kittens, dogs and cats, maybe missing an eye or ear, staring up sadly at the camera. It’s heartbreaking but that’s not the worst part. It is manipulative to emotionally hijack me while I watch Big Bang Theory. I resent it.
Of course, I appreciate the SPCA program to end animal cruelty. Who doesn’t want to end sadistic treatment that results in physical and emotional damage to another living thing? Or who doesn’t want children in an underprivileged country to have opportunities? Each time I see one of these commercials for the children in Nicaragua or the Make a Wish foundation, my heart breaks a little more.
It’s the goal of such commercials to make you feel badly for others who are in a worse situation than you. A transparent ploy, to be sure – give us money and you can ease your conscious of the inhumanity that exists in the world. Do I want to be this guy: Yeah, I know things are bad but I’m giving my seventy-five cents a day to feed a kid in some third world country. What more can I do?
Somehow, if I donate $20 a month to a promoted charity, it is supposed to make a difference. Consider how much is left after the cost of the ‘free’ t-shirt they send me and the marketers they hired to advertise, phone, print, and mail notifications and payment reminders to me. I really do wonder how much of the money is left over for the purpose of the charity after all the overhead. Don’t fool yourself – there are people are making a hefty profit from non-profit organizations.
So I’ve decided to try to unjack my karma a bit and I will not let the emotional blackmail and resentment for some non-profit organizations taint my opinion of charities to the point I become like Jane. I’m not saying we should all watch the depressing commercials, but I will not forget there are others who will die if they don’t get assistance from someone. I can’t adopt all the orphans. I can’t cure cancer or feed the children of Africa or neuter all the dogs, but I can help… I can do something.
In my search for a charity to affiliate myself with, I looked at the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation. I’m not saying they are better than other charities, but I looked at their site and their programs and I liked how forward thinking they are. I also liked that they didn’t waste funds promoting or soliciting with pseudo-gifts of t-shirts, cards, stickers or whatever. It was with some amazement that I realized they aren’t raising funds. This organization is funded entirely by the massive wealth of Bill Gates. They also post their financials so that all could see and the amount donated annually was staggering. Then I noticed just how active the Gates’ are in the organization and I’m again humbled. It wasn’t just the money they were giving. Bill and Melinda Gates are true philanthropists.
So now I’m in pause. There are so many non-profit organizations and so many worthwhile causes, I want to donate but I don’t want to give my money to foundations that will just squander it on mass-mailings and “free” t-shirts and stamps and whatever. Just having a worthwhile cause doesn’t make the charity worthwhile if they don’t use the funds wisely. What to do?
I found a local no-kill animal shelter. They do good work and I know they aren’t profiting from it. They are volunteer-based and rescue adoptable animals from kill-shelters, giving them medical attention, food and love until a forever home is found, regardless of however long that may be. Every time I go in the Petco and see these rescued animals, I am so moved to adopt but we already have two dogs and well… my better half reminds me that two is enough. Don’t misunderstand, she loves animals. I could break her will if I really tried but that would make me as manipulative as those commercials I hate.
So what am I trying to say?
I’ve got to do something to help make the lives of others better. I have to be realistic about what I can and can’t do, because there is so much more need than any one person can fill and I don’t want to encourage companies that profit from charity. I think I’ve made a good choice. Yes, I’ll admit it’s an easy way out to donate mere money to causes rather than give my time, effort and talent. Maybe I’ll do more at some point than just give money but it’s a start.
It’s a start and had nothing to do with guilt-inducing commercials. Jumbo-Activists will rail me for my passive and low goals. So be it. There will always be such people. You know them – the vegetarian who condemns others who eat meat or the running-nut who can’t understand why everyone just doesn’t get up an hour early to jog every morning.
For me, it’s a start and I’m not doing it to make me feel better or because somebody made me feel guilty. That just seems right to me.
What do you think?
Filed under: Book Review, Life Observations, The Art of Writing | Tags: Hemingway, prose, writing
I enjoyed parts of Write Like Hemingway: Writing Lessons You Can Learn from the Master by Dr. R. Andrew Wilson. What I didn’t really learn from it was how to write like Hemingway. Not really.
The book is a study of Hemingway and his writing – from his education and early influences at the Kansas City Star newspaper, to tutelage under Gertrude Stein and Ezra Pound and other notables. There are many quotes from Hemingway throughout. The analysis of Hemingway’s prose is focused most on his short stories.
The things I found valuable were taken from quotes from Hemingway himself (The Papa Says sections) and I loved the analysis of Hemingway’s writing from someone so knowledgeable about the man and his canon of work. There is a lot of focus on the 
short, succinct sentence; the less-is-more, Iceberg Theory style that makes Hemingway’s work so easily identifiable.
Some of the advice absolutely flies in the face of other popular reference books for writers and at other times, it was simplistic and obvious. Write Like Hemingway reads like a book meant for those just starting out as writers and despite the title and subject matter, it is not written in Hemingway’s style.
There are various exercises throughout to help you apply what you’ve read in the previous chapter to your own work, but I doubt Hemingway actually did any exercises like this.
Write Like Hemingway is a fine analysis of Hemingway’s writing and an entertaining read. If you want to read about what Hemingway said about writing, I suggest the book, Ernest Hemingway on Writing, edited by Larry W. Phillips. If you really want to learn to write like Hemingway, read Hemingway.
Like this:
Filed under: Book Review, Reading | Tags: Chuck, Fight Club, Pygmy, Survivor
The author described his latest novel, Damned, as; “if The Shawshank Redemption had a baby by The Lovely Bones and it was raised by Judy Blume.” And “it’s kind of like The Breakfast Club set in Hell.”
For me, Damned (by Chuck Palahniuk, Doubleday, 2011) was a wicked twist on Alice in Wonderland. On fire.
Off with her head!
The story begins at an ending – Thirteen year old Madison Spencer dies. And thus begins Madison’s odyssey as she finds herself in hell, damned for all eternity and trying to make the best of it. Written in Palahniuk’s smarmy style and telling the entire story from young Madison’s perspective, Damned is outrageous, funny, and unapologetically vulgar.
Begin at the beginning and go on till you come to the end: then stop.
Once in Hell, we explore. There were points in the story where the characters go for a walk, just to see the sights, it would seem. Hell as it is depicted is a place filled with oceans of stomach bile, plains of dandruff and mountains of fingernail clippings. It’s a place where candy is the currency. It’s the place where telemarketers really call from. And it’s Hell, where you go when you die if you were bad. If all this seems unimaginative, there was a rationale to it and when you finish the book, you will have gotten exactly why Hell is the ridiculous place it is in Damned.
As I read, there were spans of chapters where I couldn’t discern a clear direction. Chuck has the gift of fooling the reader into thinking he is winging it, only to show at the end he knew all along. It’s a little unsettling, like a driver just turning loose of the wheel while driving down the highway to get something from the backseat. I’ve read every novel Palahniuk has written and I’ve gotten used to it. That’s the thing about reading Palahniuk’s books… you wander and either you revel in it or you get mad. I chose to revel.
I think I should understand that better, if I had it written down: but I can’t quite follow it as you say it.
For an entire novel that is told from the perspective of a 13 year-old girl, it’s way too smart. This was a complete fail for me. The story kept telling me how old the character was but everything she did or said indicated otherwise. Yes, she would lapse into some juvenile name-calling (Little Miss Slutty McSlutterson and so on), but that only got (very) tedious without creating the sense that this is a child trapped in a horrible, surreal place.
In truth, this character is exactly like the main characters in his previous novels and the story trademarks all make another appearance – social disaffection, caustic violence and gross-out humor, but isn’t that why we pick up his books? You will either revel in it or you get mad.
Tut, tut, child! Everything’s got a moral, if only you can find it.
In my opinion, this is some of Chuck’s finest writing. Make no bones about it, Damned is a weird book that goes well beyond the realm of absurd and straight into freak show. It is satire at its most tasteless and extreme. You’ve got to be okay with that or you won’t make it very far in Damned. I liked the way the character grew and changed and how things were explained in the end. It wasn’t a huge reveal that blew me away but I found it satisfying. I also got some great laughs, particularly the part around the telemarketers in Hell who schedule their calls to customers at dinner-time. “Just a quick survey on what qualities you most appreciate about lip balm.”
Damned is not a new classic nor is it perfect. On more than one occasion, it completely grossed me out. If you go at it with an open mind and trust the author to tell you his story in his way, at his pace, you’ll be fine. If you try to figure everything out and make sense of what’s going on, you’ll just get mad.
I recommend it with the caveats mentioned above but be warned, the very last line in the book is, “To be continued.”
Just to keep things completely random here on Life64, I’ll do a review of a game I recently came across.
Zombie Dice by Steve Jackson Games ($11 on Amazon) is exactly what it sounds like it is: A dice game with a zombie theme. The 6-sided dice have icons rather than dots or numbers: Brains (Braaains!), shotgun blasts (Ka-blam!), and footsteps (Run away!)
Each player takes the role of a brain-eating zombie, chasing down potential victims. Each turn, you put the dice into the dice cup that is included, shake it, then pull out three random dice and roll them.
The idea is to get as many brains as you can (and who couldn’t use some extra brains?) before you roll 3 shotgun blasts. You can roll as many times as you wish until you decide to stop or take three shotgun blasts. Three shotgun blasts ends your turn and you lose any brains you may rolled this turn. If you stop your turn before rolling a third shotgun blast, you tally points for the brains you rolled and the turn passes to the next zombie. The footprint dice indicate that the same dice stays on the table (i.e. not redrawn from the cup as brains and shotgun blasts are) and must be used again if you continue to roll in this turn.
The dice come in three varieties: Green that has the most brains, yellow that has the most footsteps and red that has the most shotgun blasts.
The rules are simple, the game can be played by any number of people at once and it’s short. The strategy involved falls along the “press your luck” genre of gaming like Liar’s Dice or LCR but introduces a simple scorekeeping element and of course… it has a zombie theme. Bonus! If you are looking for deep gameplay, look elsewhere. If you are looking for a fun, quick pastime while you and some buddies put down a few brews, this is a winner.
The components include 13 well made, painted 6-sided dice, rule sheet (with no big words) and the dice cup/container. All are quality.
For me, I prefer a game with more complexity and/or social elements such as Illuminati, Zombies!!! or Talisman, but Zombie Dice is a quick diversion and fun.
Filed under: The Art of Writing, The Business of Writing, Writing Projects | Tags: recap, writing is hard
It’s that time. You know, the time to take inventory of all I did or didn’t do in the last year. I break stuff down by categories and in the writing category; I have a meager show of progress and success.
The main thing I want to do here is stop and thank each and every one of you who bothers to drop by and read my drivel.
· I had several short stories appear in Unquiet Earth, Road Trip and Potluck, by Static Movement press. I had submitted the year prior, but it’s cool to know they made print this year.
· A short story, Worth Writing About, appeared in Outburst Magazine in January.
· I went to the Dallas/Fort Worth Writer’s Conference in February and met a lot of great folks and enjoyed the conference. My agent deal didn’t really pan out, but it was a good learning experience.
· We finished The Infection Anthology this year! No one was more relieved than I when it hit Amazon and Barnes and Noble and I could say with certainty we were done working on it. Sadly, it was quickly lost in the flotsam of the myriad other books in the zombie-horror genre and it never had a lot of success. Still, it was a collaborative effort of seven writers, an artist and one very overworked editor. It was a cool gig to be a part of and who knows? Maybe it will get a good review somewhere and take off.
· In June, 2011, Pantoum Press published my anthology, Death Zone and Other Stories in print and e-book format. More than that, it has done remarkably well considering how little it was promoted. Last time I looked, about 1600 copies had sold.
· We did the Grate Righter, Bad Speler contest on Life64 in June, and I was overwhelmed with the number of entrants. Brendan Cooper won first place and it was a lot of fun.
· I maintained a decent presence on some Writing sites I stick with and I tried not to be the problem guy. I think I pulled that off, most of the time.
· I managed to update my blog, Life in Sixty-Four Square Feet pretty often. I’m still really sporadic about it, but I manage to get new content up and hopefully it will be something someone wants to read.
· I skipped Nanowrimo this year. I just couldn’t put my family through that again, two years in a row.
· I entered, completed and submitted Find My Baby in three days for the 3-Day Novel Contest.
So what’s shaking in 2012? Well, I have a new novel in development. Undertaking Hartford promises to be a darkly humorous, intimate story, told from the perspective of the undertaker in a post-pandemic world. In my head, it’s marvelous. We’ll just have to see what it looks like when I get it all down to writ.
I also want to redraft Find My Baby, which needs a lot of work as all first drafts do. I’ve refocused my targets for the diminishing and highly competitive publications that have broader distribution, so I won’t be in too many e-magazines and such unless I just see one that strikes my fancy. And I’ll also keep writing short stories and blogging and doing the thing I do because for me, writing is like farting. If I don’t do it, I will eventually explode.
© 2011, Mitch Lavender
Filed under: Food and drink, Life Observations | Tags: drink, Hairibo, mix, shot, Troli
About 3 weeks ago, I read this weird drink recipe that involved soaking gummy bears in alcohol. I can’t seem to find the original blog now, but it was on WordPress. Anyway, the gist was that if you allowed gummy bears to soak in alcohol, you wound up with… drumroll… wait for it… alcoholic gummy bears!
I have been a big fan of Hairibo gummy-bears since I was kid. Even now, if I have a layover in Germany on a business trip, I always buy a big bag at the airport. And no, they don’t taste different in their country of origin. It’s just a thing I do.
So, loving Hairibo like I do and loving vodka like I do, well. It almost seemed a spiritual denial if I didn’t follow through on marrying these two loves. In short, I put a bag of gummy bears in a Tupperware container, covered the candies with Kettel One vodka and put it in the refrigerator. And then I forgot about it until last weekend.
When I pulled them out, there was no vodka visible and the gummy bears had doubled in size. I took one moist and rubbery bear and popped it in my mouth. It was exactly like a Jell-O shot. At least, it was like a Jell-O shot as best as I can remember about it, which isn’t much. It was the 80′s and I was doing Jell-O shots, okay? It’s all fuzzy. It was not bad as far as flavor or kick but it was a complete fail for me in the flashback department.
It did give me an idea – what if you soaked Hairibo gummy-cola candy in bourbon? I just so happened to have both ingredients required for this and quickly poured Crown Royal over the cola bottle shaped candies. Crown and Coke gummies! A week later, I tried one.
You know, as much fun as it sounds – it was just slimy and sort of gross. It was like I wasted great liquor on great candy. Back in my late 20’s, I had this same feeling. It was when I realized that cartoons weren’t entertaining any more. It was the feeling of the world making me grow up. Be mature. Changing my ideals.
So am I saying that no one should try this? Absolutely not. If you are above the legal drinking age and less old than I am (and largely, most people are), I suggest you give it a go. Just know that no matter how you fight it, you will grow up. To completely date myself, I now link you to The Logical Song by Supertramp.
I suggest you put off maturity as long as you can. Bottoms up… or gummies up or whatever. I get so cranky if I don’t have my Warm milk before bedtime.
© 2011, Mitch Lavender
Filed under: Life Observations | Tags: Correct, Gay, Incorrect, Politically, Rainbows, rights
I like rainbows.
Who isn’t impressed… nay, reverential of a fantastic prism of color stretching up into the sky? It’s completely explainable but still an awe-inspiring thing. Anyone who has seen the viral video of the “two rainbow guy” has perceived just how moved a person can become, particularly if they are chemically altered. In the Hebrew Scriptures of The Bible, the rainbow was a sign God gave Noah that he would not destroy the earth with a flood again.
Go back 110 years and gay used to just mean happy! The 1890’s were nostalgically referred to as “The Gay Nineties” because they were a time of relative peace and prosperity. Now, you don’t dare use the word to imply happiness or joy, not if you are heterosexual.
Now it just means homosexual. You can’t wear a t-shirt with a rainbow on it… can’t put a prism sticker on something or use an emoticon of a rainbow, without it being misunderstood by others that it means you practice an ‘alternate lifestyle.’ Why?
It’s pretty damned selfish of gay people to take the whole color spectrum to represent their sexual preference. And why do you need a symbol to represent sexual preference at all? Do heterosexuals have a symbol? It’s not needed and it’s not like anyone cares. Same goes for gays.
The only ones who care that you are gay are gay-bashers, and do you really want to paint that target on your back? “I’m gay! I’m proud! I’m getting beat up by a bunch of backward, Hitler-loving rednecks that saw my rainbow bumper sticker! Yaaaay!”
You know, it would be awesome if people could just have their sexual preference and not feel some need to advertise it blatantly, but that horse has bolted. Still, rainbows are a true beauty manifest in nature. They are iconic of diversity. And I like them.
Not gay.
© 2011, Mitch Lavender
